Dear 15 year old me,
Moving out of your mother’s house was the right decision and trying to take Kerri with you was never your responsibility. Stop thinking “what if…” and work with what you’ve got. Learn from her mistakes and remember that you are responsible for your own happiness, don’t ever fall into the trap of thinking that the world owes it to you.
Stop being so scared of everything and everyone. At the end of the day, you’re probably always going to be introverted, but if you stop being so sweaty and shy and you go and get yourself some social skills and just TALK TO PEOPLE, you’ll save yourself a lot of time and avoid a ton of loneliness. You’re intelligent and funny and interesting and creative and you should have no problem showing other people that side of you.
You need to remember to be independent and strong and loud and brave and do your best to lead by example. And don’t forget what Steve told you:
Life isn’t hard, you wake up every morning and your brain takes care of all the breathing.
That sentence is going to stick with you so keep repeating it to yourself because it will put everything into perspective anytime you feel like whining or feeling sorry for yourself or giving up. You have way too much potential to waste your time feeling miserable.
Your heart is going to get shit on pretty badly, and more than once. You’ll be fine and you’ll learn so much about life and about yourself. Just remember that you should always admit when you’re wrong and always apologize when you’re sorry. When it’s all said and done, everything will be forgiven and your heart will start to feel a little less heavy and a little less tired as time goes on.
Eventually you’re going to meet a really great guy. Do your best not to hurt him, try even harder to let him in. You’re the luckiest little shit on the planet to have found someone like him and as much as you like to think you can bullshit your way through any situation, you can’t. On your birthday when he tells you that he loves you, tell him you love him back because YOU DO! You might feel scared and uncertain but all I can tell you is to take it one day at a time, go at a pace thats comfortable for you, and try not to spread yourself too thin.
One more thing:
You may think you don’t need anyone, but at some point everybody needs someone.
Don’t ever be too afraid or too proud to ask for help. Speak up a little more. Try to be a little less stubborn and a little less impulsive and a little less of an asshole. Stay positive and go out and get whatever it is that you want. You’re young and so capable and the world isn’t going to wait for you.
PS: Your Dad, Lynda, and Kerri are awesome, try to let them know a little more often.
