Dear 19 to 20 year old me,
It's me, your 34 year old self. You know the one who's been married 12 years, has a 9 year old son and a mortgage. Also, we're just about done paying off our student loans – woo hoo!
I think you're doing alright, but I want to make a couple of recommendations and give you a bit of insight.
1. Don't break up with Jeff.
Save yourself the heartache and stupidity. Yeah, you'll learn some stuff about people and making good choices and other stuff, but the risks far outweigh any perceived benefits. You will spend years dealing with guilt and issues related to self-worth. Tears will flow.
Jeff is your “person”. If maybe he's slightly aimless now, he will become a man, husband and father that will make women everywhere jealous. Hold him tight and don't let him go. Also, he refuses to use bathroom spray after...well...you know. Get over this now. You'll be doing yourself a favour.
2. Get back to church.
How many times did your faith in Jesus keep you from disaster in High School? So, why are you running scared now. Yeah, you made some poor choices, but God's grace is big enough for anything you can dish out. Stop beating yourself up. Also, forget about the “church people” that have hurt you, their faith is their own and they're only people, just trying to muddle through the same as you – don't be so self-righteous. Get back to God. He heals and forgives.
3. Stop comparing yourself.
You need to learn this now girlie. You're an original. Nobody's going to be like you, do life like you or be the women you are. This will save you a ton of heartache too.
4. Be confident! You're not meant to hide in the shadows. You're not the lies you've believed. Get down with your bad self and let your freak flag fly.
5. You're beautiful. Deal with it. Stop with the list you're reciting right now about all of your imperfections. Just deal. Learn this now so when all those years of bemoaning your inability to gain weight come back to bite you in your expanding ass it's not such a hardship.
6. This is the most important.
Read carefully. Don't look back.
7. At 34, I wouldn't change. I know making different choices would have made things easier, but overall I love who we become. So, don't look back, look forward. Don't stand still and stagnate, don't get lost reminiscing/overthinking about the past, embrace who you are now, the destiny you have and run with it full tilt into a bright future.
You're going to be amazing!
Kisses!
Sara Horney
(Yep. Spoiler alert! Horney. He's going to ask you to marry him. You'll say yes.)
