Caylee M.

Caylee,

There are so many things I can say to you about how much better life will get, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t come with a huge struggle. I know you think you know exactly where your life will go. You think you will stay the perfect Christian brat you are and become a teacher one day. That life will give you the perfect boyfriend, and everything will be great. You need to snap out of that as soon as possible, because that mindset will only get you hurt. Right now, the Christianity thing isn’t so high on your list of priorities, and it has a lot to do with conflicts you’ll face at church. It’s okay. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You need to find yourself in your faith if that’s what you plan to do. Things will change very drastically for you when you go to Carleton. Please, don’t be friends with those girls. You’ll find your home with Hilary. It’s not going to be a permanent one, but it will get you through those 2 years. Don’t think that boys are all that matters and you definitely don’t always need to be dating someone. Aaron is bad news. As much as you think you are in love with him, he will hurt you in ways you never imagined happening, and it’s something that will spiral on in future relationships. Stay away from him for your own sake.

 The main thing you need to know here is that nobody is going to help you. You have to pull yourself through all your problems. You will spend so much time crying over things that you could have avoided so easily, so use your judgement well before you make decisions. High school changes your life even more, and I know you’re so excited to grow up and go to an awesome one, but again, use your judgement.  Not everyone is as nice as you think they are. If you’ve listened to me at all, you won’t have built up such a huge wall around yourself as I have, and maybe that will change everything for you in high school, I don’t know. Let me tell you one thing: Jeff Burton is not the be-all-end-all of boys for you. Yes, he has the potential to rip your heart out and stomp all over it, and he will probably do that, so please, don’t get attached. When grade 11 comes around, this is where you have to be extremely careful where you tread. You can be friends with Scott and Jalen, but trust me; you don’t want to get involved otherwise. It makes for a very awkward year and a half.

If you haven’t managed to listen to me and have made all these mistakes anyway, you should now be at the point where you no longer believe in love, and feel completely lost. You have no idea what you’re going to do with your life, or how to go about making anything happen. Well, stop right there. You should know that nothing in life comes easy, and like I already said your destiny is in your hands; you decide where your life is going and it has to be you who gets you there. Grade 12 is where your major problems end, for now at least. I can’t tell you how it will work out in the end, but the past 2 and a half years have been wonderful to you. You will find a love that makes you happier than you ever thought you had the capacity to be. I know you think emotions are weakness, but you will spend a lot of time crying over silly arguments because that is how much you love him. You lose a few friends, but you also gain 4 amazing ones that you can tell anything to. Don’t worry, you get pretty good-looking if I do say so myself; weight shifts around and drops off, you finally grow into that nose of yours, and you fit into a small at department stores again. (If that doesn’t make you excited about the future, I don’t know what will.)

Embrace your body, embrace your personality, learn to love the little things you can do and be yourself. You will learn a lot of this through falling in love, because you will realize that if someone else can love you with all your imperfections, it can’t be that hard for you to do it too. My only wish is that you love yourself without needing his love and approval. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman, and you have every right to believe that.

As a whole, remember that it is the little things in life that make us who we are. It doesn’t matter if everyone knows your name, or if you save the world from impending doom. What really matters is that person you buy coffee for because they forgot their wallet, or that paper you pick up and chase after the owner with. Those hours that feel like minutes you spend taking in all that is around you and studying the beauty of the person you love sleeping next to you. All these moments, these are what we should live for. Seeing beauty and happiness rather than hatred and anger.

Oh, and drink in moderation! Your stomach doesn’t like you otherwise.

I love you Cutie Cayls.