Dear Shell,
I'm going back in time to when you were 17. Now that I've lived my life this far, with lots of joy but too much hurt and disappointment, id like to issue you some advice, perhaps even a warning to make different choices.
You have already been so hurt by so many people. Your relationship with your father is disconnected As a result of this you seek the acceptance and approval of the wrong people. I wish i had the power to have you see yourself now, as i am looking back at photographs of you. You were always so convinced that you were never pretty enough, or skinny enough or...just enough. I actually still have a pair of pants that you wore at this time of self hatred. FYI, most 12 year olds cant fit into them. Silly Girl.
You are in love with a guy named Donald Ings. For years you were the younger sister that hung around her brothers friends. Your school girl crushed, over the years, developed into love. But because of your self doubt and insecurities, you never seen what was right in front of you, Don had fallen in love with you too. You played a very foolish game to get his attention that cost you 23 years of happiness for you both. You went out with his cousin, whom you later married, out of fear, because you never learned to be true to yourself.
If i could, id go back to that night Donald showed up at your door, with all the courage he could muster, to ask you out. Instead of saying no, although i know you were going through something traumatic at the time, you would say yes. And let Donald in let him help you, let him love you the way you've always deserved to be loved.
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