Rachelle M.

Dear Teenage Me,

There is no specific age that I can totally direct this whole letter to. This letter is for your entire life. I know it has been a hard one for you to go through. All I can do today is give you an outlook on the things you have been threw and the things you have yet to learn about.

I know it has been hard for you to grow up without a mom. I know you question yourself every day. All I can promise you that in the future you will see and understand why she left and you will understand why your dad made the choices for you that he did. You may not like your dad at this moment, but you can’t hold it all against him for your whole life. He is only trying to do the best a father can do with what he has had given to him.

Your dad has done his best to provide for you while trying to get his own life together. It’s not easy to be a single parent in the time that you have been around. The world is a hard place to grow up in and people do some really stupid and scary things and will hurt you. Don’t ever forget that even though he didn’t believe what you have told him about those men. You will find the strength within yourself and eventually have the ammunition you need to prove him wrong. When the time comes it will be bitter sweet. It won’t make the scars go away but it will fade them almost to invisible. When he kicks you out, just remember he doesn’t understand you’re acting up and why you do the things you do. He really just thinks you are a bad teenager and doesn’t see quite yet where he went wrong. He will!!

When you get to that high school and you start dating that guy that sets your whole life in a downward spiral, try to keep in mind that you are only looking for someone to save you from the pain you feel inside. Keep your eyes open because the one that really does that for you is sitting in a classroom right down the hall and I know you can see him. It’s just not the right time for either of you because he too has pain and scars that will make it impossible for you two to flourish together. The time will come!

You need to realize that those boys that push you to do things that are against what you truly know and believe are just out for them and really don’t care about your feelings in the end. But you also need to stand proud as you go on this journey of life because I know how many times you could have so easily given up and ended all that pain! You fought through it and there is a reason!  This I know for sure!

So when all those girls pick on you, chase you and beat you or those boys hurt you and takes your dignity, believe in yourself and stand tall because the best is yet to come! Don’t let it scar you more then you already are because it makes it so much harder to let people in. When the time is right you will stand up for yourself and have the strength to hold your own. I won’t say that when this day comes it will be easy, you will lose a lot. You will lose that baby you always wanted, your marriage will fall apart (it was never meant to be anyways), friends will turn their backs on you! But that boy from high school that was sitting down the hall, and the angel up in heaven watching down on you, will make it all worthwhile.  So do me one favour and remember every ounce of pain you feel right now will be so much more worth it when you find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Love you as an adult!

P.S. When that boy down the hallway tells you he loves you! Trust him! Don’t let anything hold you back! And be sure to kick his butt  once in a while because he needs it some times