I debated for a while over which age to reach out to you at, 16 is best because I know right now you are happy enough to listen a little bit.
You need to learn to breathe girl, seriously. Take the time to inhale and exhale fully. During this time you may find that someone else speaks, and that is ok. You don't have to constantly be the one streaming out your thoughts. You might even find that in the time you take to refill your lungs that something worth sharing will occur to you.
Stop focusing on having something worth sharing and respect that others will want to share with you. In the time that someone else is speaking, stop thinking about what you will say next and really listen to what they are offering.
Stop bulldozing through conversations. It's something you are working on still at 27 so be thankful I am trying to give you a head start.
Breathe kid, because at 24 you are going to want to hold your lungs still like concrete. Praying that the foundations you build for yourself now wont buckle while the fallacies of a kind hearted world split under it. Yes, that is coming my little love. I could advise you against the cause of this, but we both know you would take the ride anyway in the hope that I am wrong. Good for you.
At 23 your Grandma Taylor gave me some great advice that I am going to give you early. "Remember that you are a lady, you do not yell back. If he can't control his temper then you control yours. You are a lady, you do not need to yell." Now, that is pretty archaic. Take from that, you again need to stop and breathe before you react to things. You have this tendency to kinda black out in a rage and spill incoherent angry thoughts. Quit it. You can choose what you put out into the world and thereby tint the way people see you. You can't control it, but you can tint it. If you choose to be seen as happy and together, you will also kinda start to feel that way. Keep it together kid. Loose it when necessary, like maybe once a year.
Give up on eye liner. It's not for you. Embrace mascara and be glad for it.
Move on from the lousiness of the last 10 years. Yeah, shit went down, but if you stop dwelling on it you will start to forget the worst of it soon. You recognize right now that your parents divorce was a really good thing for all involved, but the second step is recognizing your dad's remarriage as one of the best things that will happen to you. Breathe, listen and think. Somewhere in your step-mother is one of the best friends you will have as you approach 30. I know right now your eyes are darting around for sharp objects and a quip about what a loathsome person she is. But so are you sometimes, kid. She is trying to balance a household of teenagers, half of whom are not hers. And she was raised to be hard. Learn to be hard from her, and offer her some of your soft. The two of you are going to find a really amazing balance between the two in almost a decade, and yeah- you're going to yell at each other to find it.
Fuck off with the boys thing. Let yourself meet guys and be cool, but strong about what you want from them. You will walk away from them, and a few of them will walk away from you, but you will leave little imprints of yourselves behind. Be careful what those are.
In your 20's you are going to meet a woman who is going to make you wish for things that suddely brings every night you stayed up late to watch old movies, read all day long, swam to your hearts content into perspective. She will make you feel like you are lying in the grass on a chill night looking at the starts with all the hope you have ever felt in your gut as an artist. You are going to be just friends, and that is ok.
This gay/straight thing you are going to struggle with countless times? You are neither. You are a person who sees and appreciates love and beauty and chemistry. Dig it, go with it, let it flow off you and bring you to the people who will guide you and hold your hand through this life.
Relax, chill out, breathe. And for fucks sake, it you aren't going to study- at least make better use of the time you spend procrastinating. Pick up a proper book and think for yourself.
You are going to be alright, step one of that starts when you figure out how awesome you are when your head is not up your ass.
Loves you,
'Adult' Victoria
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